Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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