Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this beer tastes like vomit already
He kissed a someone with a penis
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
