Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
