connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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