3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
