I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up under a house in Key West
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