i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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