So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
