I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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