Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.

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(518): View more from New York

He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.

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(210): View more from Texas

This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

How much have you had to drink?

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Qhaghao Oslo?

(339): View more from Massachusetts

That seems like quite a lot.

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