you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
