Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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