hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
