You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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