I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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