I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
