he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
