I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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