Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
