I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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