member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize