I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
