My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
