Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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