we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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