she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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