I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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