turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
