i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize