Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
