Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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