I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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