DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
