I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
