I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
