You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
