areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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