ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
