Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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