I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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