I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize