I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want nice things and good sex
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
