someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
