I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
