i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
