He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
