nut hugger
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Where is the hickey?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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