When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
