tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
