you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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