Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
