sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
