I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
