so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
