my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
