She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
