My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
