Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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