Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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