"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
