There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
