I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
