As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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