Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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