who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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