he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
