What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
