I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
