Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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