I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
