I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
