I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize