census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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