Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
try to milk me bitch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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